En Fin

So cross country is over. 

Done. 

Finished. 

En fin. 

And I don't really want to talk about how it ended, honestly, because I have been trying my best not to over-analyze every single thing in my life. 

(So difficult for me). 

And without going into detail, this season has been much different than what I expected. I didn't meet any of my goals... and, though I do feel like I progressed from last year, I am still not the runner that I used to be. I am still struggling so much mentally. And I still am a great runner and a terrible racer. So regionals was the same, old, disappointing story. 

I have spent this week taking a break from running. I am a huge believer that this is necessary after each  and every season. Running is such a mental sport, for one. And I need so badly to mentally reset. I throw myself heavily into my competitive seasons. I am one of those people who won't eat sugar for months and who will fall asleep thinking about my races. 

So the other night I ate a giant no-bake cookie for dinner and stayed up a little later than normal... just to say I could. 

But also, since I am a year-round athlete (the only season I don't compete is summer, and even then I'm training for xc),

  I know my body needs to recuperate and repair itself. 

So I have only run once this week (with a friend, so it was nothing major) and swam one day for fun. The rest of the week I have been lazy as ever. 

I have gotten less sleep than normal, I haven't been chugging water every other minute, and I have been throwing myself into homework in the hopes that I could actually be productive. 

Who am I kidding though? Instead of using the three to four hours each day that I would have spent at practice, I have done other fun things.

 Like going with friends on random excursions to World Market to buy exotic types of dark chocolate.

 And going to the club to sit in a steam room and completely relax. 

And getting buy one get one free Starbucks Christmas drinks (have you had a gingerbread latte? Spiced whip-cream and molasses drizzle... 

it will change your life). 

It has been a nice break, for sure, but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. I haven't been taking care of myself, and I miss the routine and release of running. Not only that, but I'm still frustrated about this season and I'm ready to unleash in Indoor track. I have never competed in a true indoor season before (my old school didn't have an indoor season) so this will be new to me. 

I want to end this post by stating that I truly am grateful for this past cross country season, even if I am discouraged because of it. While I didn't perform up to my expectations, I am so blessed to be apart of my team. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful coaching staff and athletic department. Coming in as a transfer student, I could have easily run into tons of issues. Many of my friends who transferred to other schools and athletic programs did. But I feel like I mesh so well here, and I was completely accepted as a leader, a friend, and a teammate from the moment I arrived. 

So I'm going to enjoy the rest of this week and weekend, and then I'm ready to reset and get moving again. I still have a year and a half as a collegiate runner, and I'm going to make the most of it!

Also, thanks to my sweet grandmother and awesome cousin Danika who came out to support me in the freezing cold! 

It was such a wonderful thing to have them there cheering for me :) 

Au Revoir L'été [Goodbye Summer]

Today I spent two hours in Starbucks sipping a cold brew (it's coffee people!) and getting some quality journaling in. I filled eleven blank pages with every thought that has been circling around my head the past few days, and when I finished I shook out the cramp in my hand and breathed a sigh of relief.

There is something oh so therapeutic about writing. 

And I realized just how much I have missed it.

I'm hesitant for summer to end. I have thoroughly enjoyed the late night trips to the hotsprings, the grass volleyball, and the summer camps

 (church camp for college kids, you ask? Heck. Yes.)

There have been a few ups and downs, no doubt, but I am grateful for all of the memories I have made. 

When school starts, free time will be far and few between.

This summer has flown by, and as I contemplate what this next season of my life is going to look like, I feel the inescapable urge to write down how I'm feeling. So here goes. I'm feeling nervous.

Nervous to run for a new team. Nervous to be a transfer student and not know how anything works at this new place. Nervous to take upper division classes and somehow balance a full day of classes, practice, and homework while still aiming for 8-9 hours of sleep a night (I'm an athlete... we need it!) I can't help imagining myself failing miserably. Not living up to others' expectations of me. Or my expectations of myself...

But then I remember that this is supposed to be exciting. I have been given the amazing opportunity to extend my education at an incredible school. I have been offered a spot on a competitive xc/track team and will undoubtedly grow as a runner in the process. I get to go to school with my sister and best friend. And I get to stay involved at my church which is growing exponentially and now has about 1/3 of the Boise State football players involved.

Honestly, I'm so blessed. And though I often feel inadequate, I have to remember that it is in my weakness that God's strength shines through.

 So I am more than enough.

So here is to a new season. I still have a week or so to catch my breath before the storm, so I'll be relishing the moments undoubtedly. But I am going to look forward with cheerful expectation. God has a lot for me this year, and I can't wait to share everything on this blog. If you are willing to read (and even if I am sending this out into the atmosphere for no one but myself), 

I am happy to write.

What Are You Wearing???

In today's society, one of the first things we notice about people is their appearance, and a big part of this is clothing. 

At risk of seeming shallow, I'll be the first person to admit that I'm drawn to people who are stylish. 

Once I get to know someone, of course, I am attracted to them based on their character. Someone who dresses in designer clothes is not necessarily loving and good. Likewise, a homeless man on the street who hasn't bathed in ages may be incredibly kind hearted. 

This is important : It's not that I think that stylish people have more value than anyone else in the world. In fact, I'm not always all that stylish myself, though I like clothes as much as the next girl. 

But I think that everyone would agree that the way that people present themselves is directly related to the way that people view them (at least at the beginning of the relationship). 

The Bible is filled with metaphors that address our spiritual "clothing". 

Ephesians 6:11 - "Put on every piece of God's armor..."

Romans 13:12 - "...So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living..."

Romans 13:14 - "Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ"

Isaiah 61:10 - "I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels."

This metaphor of clothing makes a lot of sense. As a Christian, it is my responsibility to be clothed with light. With the presence of God. It doesn't matter how much love there is inside of me if my spiritual clothing sends people running for the hills. 

If I have a bad attitude, for example, it's no surprise that people are not excited to talk to me about Jesus. They might not believe I'm a Christian at all. I might as well be wearing skunk-sented perfume and a clown costume. 

But if I clothe myself with His presence... people will be drawn to that. Not for my glory but for His. So he can love them. 

And I must put on spiritual armor, daily. No warrior would ever go to battle wearing a tshirt and jeans. We go to battle daily. There are constantly things being thrown at us. So we need to equip ourselves with the armor of God. We need to fill ourselves with the Word of God and pray. 

Just as I look at my closet every morning and choose what I want to wear, I must do the same thing in my spiritual life. Physical appearance is over-rated, yes, but spiritual appearance is key to living a Godly life. 

On Light.

John 8:12

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”

Today was a good day, for me. 

I got to do a running workout for the first time in two weeks, and my achilles didn't have any pain. I went to an amazing Bible study, and then to lunch at Whole Foods with friends. After that I did some Christmas shopping. 

Pretty great day, I'd say. 

But on the other side of the country, 

it was the absolute worst day for some people. 

The shooting in Connecticut that occurred this morning 

is being called the worst school tragedy in this nation's history. 

Isn't it crazy how it could simultaneously be the best day of one person's life and the worst day of someone else's? 

I cannot help but feel sick about this. The world has so much darkness, and it's easy to feel overwhelmed by it. 

But I cannot help but think about the analogy of darkness and light. The darker it gets, the brighter a candle glows. The darkness does not diminish it. It makes it grow brighter. And when light enters a room, darkness disappears. 

God's love is like that light. 

I am going to put to rest right now any argument that God caused this horrible tragedy to happen. He did not. Some confused and hurt individual made a choice that cost the lives of others. 

But God does promise that He is our rock in the midst of turmoil. Our light in the darkness. 

And His love burns deeply for every single person in that situation. 

His light burns brighter in this darkness we encountered today. And He will make everything work together for the good... 

which only He could ever possibly do. 

I watched a documentary two nights ago called "Furious Love", and it seriously changed my life. God literally loves every single person. And His love has nothing to do with our faith. And His love transforms hearts and rescues people. And it is light to this world. 

For some people, today is the darkest day of their lives. I pray with all my heart that God's love overwhelms them. 

Psalm 61:1-4 

O God, listen to my cry!

    Hear my prayer!

² 

From the ends of the earth,

    I cry to you for help

    when my heart is overwhelmed.

Lead me to the towering rock of safety,

³ 

    for you are my safe refuge,

    a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.

⁴ 

Let me live forever in your sanctuary,

    safe beneath the shelter of your wings! 

It All Comes Down to This..

Running for me... it's been quite a journey.

I want to share it with you guys, 

but I'm just warning you that I have a lot to say, 

and this post might be a little long! 

I began running cross country my freshman year of high school, and being the girl that always challenged boys to races in grade school pretty much guaranteed my love for the sport. 

 My memories of cross country and track during high school are wonderful. I had an incredible coach who I am still close with and the best teammates. 

But I always struggled with self confidence in running. I ran for an incredibly competitive district and had very talented teammates. I was a decent runner, but I never saw any incredible success, despite all of my hard work.

I spent a lot of time feeling bad about myself if I had a less than ideal race.... my identity was caught up way too much in my success or failure. 

My senior year, I began to think about where I would go to college. Many of the girls on my team were going off to universities to run at the collegiate level, and I had the same desire to do so. 

I never had any plans to do anything but go off to college after graduating, but I ended up being given an amazing opportunity to spend a year in Paris, France. Though it was the chance of a lifetime, I found myself struggling to choose between running and what I felt God was leading me to do. I was jealous of my friends who had "made it" in the athletic world, but ultimately, I followed God's leading to Paris. 

My first month or so in Paris, I didn't run at all. I got out of shape, but who can blame me- I was in a completely new country and exposed to a realm of brand new experiences. 

I still had dreams of being a collegiate runner one day, however, and I eventually began to train very intensely. I developed a new love for running- on days that I was stressed out because I couldn't speak French or I missed my family, running became an outlet for me. I ran all around the French countryside, and I did plenty of workouts and strength training. I wanted to run in college, and I began contacting coaches to make it  happen.

Enter Treasure Valley Community College, and my first collegiate race above. God worked everything out for me to run in college, somehow. I was given a spot and a scholarship despite the year I had taken off.  I was so nervous to see how my solo training would pay off, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 5k time decreased by nearly two minutes!

 I think I was mentally reset in France, and I came back in great shape and ready to compete.

I had a great freshman cross country season, and NWAACCS was everything I could have hoped for.

Little did I know, however, that I had already begun overtraining at this point. The rest of the year with running went okay, but I was slowly losing weight and pushing myself way too hard with extra practice, long weight sessions, and not nearly enough nourishment or rest.

I suppose I had a somewhat perfectionist mindset. I was the most dedicated of the dedicated. I wanted it more than anyone. I was going to push harder, drink more water, eat healthier, and lift more than anyone else. But I didn't have enough balance.

I ended track season successfully (with another All American title), but almost ready to break. I was two steps away from an injury and SO tired. But after a few weeks off, I jumped right back in to training for cross country. 

And then, this summer.... Well, this summer was a rough one for me. I haven't really shared much about it with anyone, but basically- I almost didn't run cross country. 

I went in for a physical, and my doctor was furious with me for how much weight I had lost. And I was surprised... I had no idea that I had lost that much either. I had paid little attention to my weight (except people had been telling me how skinny I looked). I just thought I was in shape, and I couldn't see how it is possible to have "too much of a good thing". It all happened in the midst of me pushing myself so hard every day. I was shocked at what the scale said.

But I was furious, too. I didn't want anyone to take running away from me. I had worked so hard.  had put in two hour runs and ran during vacation and had big dreams.

And I was scared. I was stubborn at first, but I finally recognized that I needed to take a step back and re-examine things.

So I gave it to God. I was so thankful he had helped me get that far without getting injured (I really had not been taking care of myself very well), and I was thankful that he had given me talent and allowed me to blossom in college. 

I really felt like I was supposed to run for TVCC this year still, but I had to give up my "striving" mindset and fully lay running down at his feet.

And He gave it right back to me.

Looking back, I cannot believe how much He blessed me. I got in contact with the best sport's nutritionist who has since helped me get way stronger and healthier. My coach fully understood and tailored my workouts to help me gain strength. My family came beside me and helped me and supported me.

I have run every race this season without an issue. I am healthy and don't look like I'm going to get a stress fracture anymore. And though I'm not nearly as fast as I was last year, I'm so thankful for how evident God's hand has been in my life- and my running journey.

SO here is what I have decided. I'm going to run this Saturday with an attitude of gratefulness. I'm going to run because God has blessed me so much. His grace has been so sufficient for me. And I truly believe that He has planted the desire to run and be successful at it in my heart. 

Maybe I'm just here to be a friend to the people on my team. Maybe I won't win Saturday. But I know that when God watches me run, He delights in it. Because I am doing what I was created to do 

- for His glory.

I'm not going to lie. This week has been hard, and I have felt heavy. When you allow your identity to be wrapped up in success or failure, you live in constant fear. I'm fearful of failing on Saturday. 

But I'm giving it to God. I want to run with joy. I want to run as if it were impossible to fail. Because this is just the beginning of my running journey. Because if I go out there and give everything I have... utilize the gifts He has given me and run for His glory with gratefulness... I cannot fail. I will be happy! That's true victory.

“No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.”

Romans 8:37

Positivity Challenge

This is going to be a quick post, but there is something I want to share with you all. 

This morning in church, I really felt inspired to have a whole week where everything that I say is positive. And not only that- I want to really try to speak positive things into the atmosphere. Meaning that instead of being silent when I have negative thoughts, I want to speak out something positive. Instead of saying "I'm sorry" to a friend who is struggling, I want to speak encouragement. 

 So this begins today. If I have a bad practice, you won't be hearing about it. If I feel sick, you won't be hearing about it. But I'll be sure you fill you all in with plenty of positive things :) 

Happy Sunday!

Perfect Day

Yesterday was a nearly perfect day. 

Everything I needed to get me ready for the craziness to come these next few weeks!

And because I know you all want to know every detail of my life... I'm going to tell you all about it! :)

I started off the day with a hill repeat workout (still getting ready for xc!) followed by a short, but intense lifting session at the gym. 

You want to hear a secret? I love lifting weights. More than running sometimes! And I love the gym. Everyone their is just, super jazzed about fitness. It's great. 

You want to hear another secret? I used my sister's gym card to get in.... :) 

I'm the only person in my family without a membership, because usually I can just use my school's gym. But as I am home for now, I couldn't. 

I feel bad, but they don't use theirs' that often, so just once, it seems ok. 

Then I made protein pancakes (my favorite days always start with pancakes!), did some journaling, caught up on my new favorite Netflix tv show, Dance Academy (its all the cheesy drama of ABC family with an Australian twist), and got ready. 

Around noon, my little sister, Liberty, and I, went with another friend to go get TCBY frozen yogurt (their hard-serve froyo is my favorite dessert of all times) and brought it back to the house for a day of movie watching and art projects. 

It was the perfect, relaxing day. 

The day continued to get better when my sister and I decided to go on a date at the Cheesecake Factory before church. 

 Hanging out with her is always a good time... :)

I love her so much. It is unreal how much she has grown up the last couple of years. I look up to her in so many ways... she is not my "little" sister anymore!!!

Then church was great, as always, and I am sad that the school year is starting, because I won't be able to go as often on Thursday nights anymore. I have so many great friends there, and I keep meeting new people each week. 

I'm ready for this new season, though. At least... 

I'm trying to be. 

And I was so encouraged by Colossians 1:11-14 today (Message version)

As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

 God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating.

Its amazing how a little time reading the 
Bible can encourage me so much!!!

Running On.... Anxiety

The other night I had a dream about my first day of practice.

We were planning on going on an eleven mile run. 

In the dark. 

On a rocky path. 

In the woods. 

Up a mountain.

And I showed up to practice, but I wasn't dressed to run.
And my coach was mad. 

And I had five minutes to change.
So I started sprinting up this hill to go change.

Then I woke up.

Do you guys ever have anxious dreams? 

I knew that I was a little nervous about starting cross country again (there is a lot of pressure returning), but it wasn't until I had this dream that I realized I am actually anxious....

It reminded me of a dream I had the first week
of track practice in seventh grade. 

I was new. 

I was nervous.

I know it's silly to be nervous. 

And I'm excited too, don't worry.

But since I'm being honest on this blog, running in college is a lot of pressure.

Mostly because I put pressure on myself.

And I want to have a good season. I want to do better than I did last year.

And coming off of a successful season, it is easy to fear failure.

But guess what. My motto always has and always will be NO FEAR.

And even though I may not feel completely prepared for the season, I have given everything I have and more this summer. So I have to be confident in that. And I have to be content in giving my best.

My XC Team last year


Cross Country, bring it on.

Passwords

Almost everything now days requires some kind of password. 

Facebook, twitter, online banking, blogging...

To use your debit card, you have to type in a password. 

To unlock your phone, you have to type in a code. 

Throughout our day, we probably use more passwords than we even realize or could keep track of!!!

We have become accustomed to the idea that passwords. Without them, we aren't apart of the club. We aren't secure. We don't have access to the things we need or want. 

Aren't we lucky that God doesn't have any passwords to get to him?? A lot of people think that there are. That they have to say the right thing, do the right thing. That for prayers to be answered there is some magic formula or specific order of words that must be said. That for God to love them they have to do things a certain way and not mess up or access will be denied. 

THAT'S NOT TRUE!

God made a way for us to come to him without a password, by sending Jesus to pave the way. 

God has open arms. He is continuously calling and trying to get people to pick up the phone.

You don't need a password for his presence. 

You just need to come. 

You don't have to "log in". 

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you have to know a password.

Just go to the website, and you can become a member!!!!

Thoughts About Work, and Chocolate Is Always A Good Idea

Sorry about the ridiculous title. I'm tired :)


I got up early today, but I wasn't my usual chipper morning time self.
I still managed to pound out an intense tempo run on the treadmill at my school's gym, though, and then I did a little lifting.
I just wasn't feeling an outdoor run. And even lifting, which I usually love, was sort of frustrating because I'm trying a new program and I felt a little lost.

Work today was busy!!!
And I realized a couple of things things:

1. I don't think I could handle working at a job where I have to manage a whole bunch of people and things. As student body president, I am doing it right now... but it's tough. And people at big corporations who do that... wow. I'm impressed. So maybe starting a non-profit, like I was originally thinking about maybe doing one day, is not necessarily my career path. But then again, maybe it is. Maybe I'm in training for it right now....

2. I need to start being less insecure in myself and my decisions. I always have liked to have someone to bounce ideas off of and make decisions with... because I HATE making them. But I don't always have help making decisions in this job. My advisor is not always available. And sometimes, I'm forced to make decisions alone. Not everyone is always going to like every decision I make, and I am just going to have to get thicker skin.

Despite those things, I think I really am learning a lot this summer, and I am sure next year is going to go well. God gives grace for situations that he places us in. And I definitely know I am where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing. So even though I have a steep learning curve, and even though I am going to be the busiest student/athlete/president ever next year, I am confident that it is going to be blessed. I am simply going to focus on God every day and my relationship with him, and the rest will fall in to place.

After such a busy day of work, I returned to the dorms starving and exhausted.
The perfect remedy for that?

Frozen chocolate covered bananas.

My roommate and I had the brilliant idea of slicing bananas, melting dark chocolate, combining the two, and freezing them. Perfection.

Chocolate is always a good idea.

I'm glad to have ended the day on a positive note.
And now it's time for some Bible reading and then sleep.
Goodnight bloggers!

Power in Positivity

It has been getting dark earlier and earlier every night. 

Fall is coming. 

I can feel it, despite the 100 plus degree temperatures 

and the fact that it is only the beginning of August. 

But I don't want it to come. 

I really do not feel like being in Ontario anymore. (I love weekends when I can be in Boise!) 

Or being president of the student body on top of being a year round athlete. 

It all takes such mental and physical commitment. 

Fall, please come slowly. Because the business is going to hit hard. 

And I'm really worried about letting people down! About letting my coach down. 

About letting my advisor down. 

About letting myself down. 

Now, I'm a huge believer in positive confession. 

Meaning: your brain believes what your mouth speaks. 

What you speak has power. I creates something in the atmosphere. 

It leads your thoughts. 

I talk about positive confession with my friends all the time. I preach it daily. 

But I think that I should apply it more to my own life! 

So my plan is to make my conversations (especially when talking about next year) positive ones. 

How will I do this? 

Well....

I want to start reading the Bible more. I have been reading it sort of aimlessly these past few weeks... more out of a feeling of obligation than anything. I feel terrible confessing that, but its true. 

But God has still been speaking to me every day!!! Its wonderful, isn't it, how he isn't limited to our failures? He loves us and speaks to us and uses us all the same!!! 

Getting filled up with the Word will help me to think more positively, which will help me to speak more positively.... which will in turn help me to believe more positively. 

You know, life is great. Despite all the hard things in life, there really isn't all that much to complain about. It's all about attitude. And I want to have a positive one!!! 

Realizing Less Is Sometimes More

Last night I made a really big decision.

I did something that is completely out of my character. 

I chose not to go to practice. 

I chose not to run. I took a second rest day this week. 

Please believe me when I say that I never don't follow my training schedule. I have followed it religiously since I first became a collegiate athlete. And the training schedule said to go on a 70 minute run. And all day, I had every intention of doing that. 

And since the team meets up on Wednesday night (its not mandatory, but encouraged), 

I went about my day planning to run at 8 pm with them. 

Normally I run in the mornings, and I love it. But I had all day to sit and think. 

And the reality is, I am really struggling right now. I love running, but I have overtrained. I have put so much of my heart and soul into it and not given my body enough rest. 

And I'm paying for it now. 

So last night, I experienced a lot of fear. Fear that was a combination of my own worries and the many conversations I have had with people lately... People who think I need rest. And I realized they are right. I needed physical rest. I needed mental rest. So. Instead of going to practice, my friend and I rode our bikes to get frozen yogurt. 

And I sat there and ate frozen yogurt and watched the olympics. And it was exactly what I needed. And in a way it kind of killed me, too. 

I am undedicated. I am a failure. I am a quitter. People are working harder than me. 

This morning I got up and ran an amazing treadmill workout. And then I lifted. And you know what? I loved it. I love it. It makes me feel so energized and alive. 

But I'm learning a lot lately. And a lot is going on in my life. 

And I want to spare the blogging world the details, but I need to make some changes. 

I'm realizing that sometimes, less is more. 

And I want to be the best runner I can be: for cross country, and track, and my life. 

The overachieving part of me truly believes that to do that, 

I have to push myself to the absolute limit. 

And that's what I have done before. 

If I have anything, its willpower. 

This going hard or going home deal worked for a long time....

But now, to be the best, healthiest runner and person I can be, I have to cut down on my running a little bit. My training will change. 

I shouldn't keep pushing myself to absolute exhaustion.

In the workouts I do, I will be motivated and push myself.

But I will do less. 

And less is more!

And it's crazy difficult to wrap my head around that, but I know it is going to make me so strong and fast. Running a little less will make me faster? Yes, actually, it will. 

So this is a newish season for me. And the next month I'm going to try this out. I'm working with my coach to transform me into a better runner, so I can win NWAACCS this year :)

I made NWAACCS bigger because its a link. You guys, there is way too much color and underlying. 

You wouldn't have known! 

And me deciding to rest does not mean I don't have the mental strength to be an athlete.

I am not a failure. 

I am not a quitter.

I am being wise. I'm accepting advice, and I'm listening to my body. 

And I'll still be training, but the word "training" is becoming redefined. 

It's going to be tough. But I can do it. 

Philippians 4:13

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength!!!"

And one day, I'll kill it in the marathon. Or something :)

Simple

I miss when life used to be simple.....

Doesn't everyone?

....when I was a little girl, and the world was bright and big and beautiful and full of opportunity. 

I still see the world that way. I still want to see the world that way. 

Deep down, I am still a little girl, 

spinning around in a sundress in the middle of a field. 

I am still chasing dreams like butterflies.
                 I am still cloud-watching

and daydreaming about what amazing gifts the future holds for me 

and trying to grasp the secrets of the past.

Deep down, I know that life is full of promise.

I know that there is hope. 

 Sometimes, however, it is incredibly easy to become buried in a seemingly hopeless situation. 

I feel like complication has snuck up on me, and I don't welcome it. 

I want simple beauty. I want hope.
I will fight for it.

A Thought for Thursday

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

1 Timothy 1:7

For someone who thinks and worries a lot, this is one of the most encouraging Bible verses ever. For anyone actually. Do me a favor and really think about this verse. 

Don't just read it, think "that's nice", and forget. 

Meditate on this verse today!!! Get it in your heart.