Running Rambles

This morning I headed out the door for 

13 solitary miles along a snowy, country road. 

It was freezing and serene and lonely in a beautiful, romantic sort of way. My hips were slightly sore by the end, and I looked forward to sitting by the fire and eating everything I could get my hands on, but the thing is - I could have kept going. When you run for that long, it feels strange to stop. 

Anyway, I feel accomplished and thrilled that I checked off yet another day of my Christmas break running/training schedule. I have been so incredibly motivated the past month. I haven't missed a day of training, and I have neatly written down each day's mileage and accomplishments on a piece of paper that I have tucked neatly into the training binder our coaches made for us. 

And the thing is, I am really enjoying it. Though I definitely have days where the last thing I want to do is run a tempo in the freezing rain, I have a big goal in mind - and I'm wiling to sacrifice for it. 

This is intrinsic motivation at its finest. I don't have a coach watching me or people to impress. I am alone with my thoughts. My feet drag along the pavement for the first few miles, stubbornly screaming at me to slow down or turn around and go home. But then, they quiet. I can hear my breath, I can feel the icy breeze and my numbing hands, and I get into a rhythm. 

I haven't felt this way about running since I started my college career. Since the year I spent in Paris. Since I used to run by myself through the small French villages and smile at people as I passed them (They all looked appalled that I was running and not biking. Outside of Paris, running is not all that popular). 

During those nine months, I ran for me. And I ran because I had a big dream ahead. I wanted to be a collegiate athlete. I wanted it so badly. It is so important to have goals. And so I sacrificed. 

And I made it, and my motivation changed. I began to run to make my coach proud. I ran to impress my friends. I ran to beat my teammates. And slowly, the joy of running and competition seeped out of my heart. It became a job laden with pressure. It became a routine and I dreaded it. 

I was fearful of losing because I put my identity into my performance as an athlete. 

But lately everything has been different. I have been running for me again. And I have been running with a grateful heart, each day thankful that I am not injured (like I was last year at this time) and that I have the opportunity to be a collegiate runner. And I haven't been placing my identity in running or worried or stressed about missing a day - I have fully given it to God. So, I don't feel burnt out or heavy. I feel light on my feet.

I honestly was not too excited to face those icy, lonely miles alone this morning. But they were so worth it.

And I am so excited to see what is in store for me this track season. 

One week left of Christmas break, and then it is back to practice, school, and track meets!  

Running Forward

I can hardly believe that October is nearly over. The large trees on my campus have taken on brilliant hues of burgundy and orange and gold. Each morning greets me with a slight frost, and the scent of winter lingers in the air. Seasonal coffee beverages are trendy as ever, and pumpkins are everywhere. 

It sounds lovely, right?

But somehow I am still lost in summer. I am clinging to the rays of warm sunshine and the lazy afternoons. Without me quite realizing it, 

time has gotten away from me.

I am already at midterms. 

And I am already nearly done with my junior season of cross-country.

While I feel satisfied with my work so far academically, 

it is the near end of my cross-country season that worries me.

The thing is, I do not feel like I have accomplished much of anything yet. I have had some great practices. I have run up to sixteen miles in a day. I have developed speed on the track. I have gotten stronger in the weight room. I have even had some decent races. And yet, I have yet to accomplish a single race goal I have set this season. 

And I don’t feel like I have had much opportunity to do it.

Perhaps that is why I treasure cross-country season so much.

 Compared to track, it is incredibly short.

This upcoming weekend is our conference meet. 

It is the first 6k I will have ever run competitively, 

but I am told that the extra 1000 meters makes little difference. 

I am a 10k runner on the track, so I am not too worried about the distance.

We ran our last 5k this past weekend, and I think it was a good way to finish up the regular season. Almost everyone on my team ran their lifetime best times… and though I didn’t quite do that, 

I came the closest I have come to 

my freshman year PRs that I have in two years.

I have such high expectations for myself and know that I am capable of blowing those times out of the water… but the reality is, I have to take one step at a time. I have to be happy with myself for running a season best time and finally dropping down into my freshman year times.

 So I am going to take the positives and move straight ahead to conference.

For those of you who don’t understand what I’m talking about or know my running journey, it is pretty well documented on this blog. 

I am not interested in the past right now, however. 

I am interested in moving forward.

I am stronger and fit than I have ever been. I have put in miles and miles of summer training. I have iced and stretched and went to bed early when everyone else was out having fun. I have dedicated so much to this sport, but none of that matters if I don’t perform on race day. So what’s holding me back?

This weekend, I plan on breaking out of the weird slump that I have been in the past two years. I feel like I did a pretty good job this last Saturday,

 but I know that there is more I can dig out. 

Regardless, however, I refuse to allow negative emotions to dictate my attitude or my running. I am grateful for what I have been able to accomplish this season. I am grateful for being healthy. I am grateful for the progress I have made. And I am grateful that I even get the opportunity to compete. 

I am so blessed, and I am so excited to see what's in store. 

And The Countdown Begins

It seems we are always counting down to something. 

It may be something exciting, like Christmas. Who doesn't love ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas each year? And what about those paper chains that count down to that magical day? So fun. 

Sometimes we count down the days until our next paycheck. Or the minutes of the clock until we get off of work. Some people have the days counted out until summer vacation. Or the release of the next big movie. 

At about four p.m. today, I was counting down the 400 meter repeats I had to do at track practice. 

Those are all seemingly insignificant countdowns. Countdowns that look forward to something. 

Today a countdown started for me, however, that is more scary than exciting.

Two weeks from today, I need to have made a very important decision about where I am going to transfer to next year.

I've talked about this on the blog before, but basically: I am a student at a community college, and I'll have my Associate of Arts in the spring. I have two years left until I receive my bachelor's degree and two years left of eligibility in cross country and track. So I have to choose a school to transfer to - a school where I will obtain my degree and likely continue running competitively. 

Letters of Intent (contracts for college athletes) have expiration dates in which they need to be signed, so the clock is now officially ticking. I am blessed to have choices, but I am a terrible decision maker. I'm always analyzing every possibility and imagining every potential outcome. I'm sick of having conversations about it. I'm sick of thinking about it. 

It should be a relief to finally come to a decision, right? 

The problem is... as much as I love running (or I think I do?) I'm honestly not convinced I want to commit to it for another two years. I don't really love what competition does to me, and I have a lot of other things I want to pursue. That being said, I only have a small window of time to compete collegiately, and I feel like I have learned a lot about myself about balance so that I can compete without becoming too extreme like I have in the past. 

Ultimately, I just need to pray about it. Lay it down completely. I know that God is going to bless me and go with me wherever I go, but I want His help deciding. And I know that He is not going to let me stumble. 

With big decisions, I have learned that it is best to follow peace. So at the end of this two weeks, I am going to make a decision based on inner peace - not what seems logical or practical or exciting. What I have the most peace about. Right now, I feel more stressed than peaceful. But I know that it will all be okay. I know my future is full of promises. 

And I am excited to see what's in store. 

And the countdown begins....

Skipalongs

My great grandmother Mommy Kay (as she was affectionately called by my mother and grandmother) used to have a little notebook in which she would write her thoughts throughout the day. She called this book her "skipalong" book, and it accompanied her everywhere she went (or so I'm told). The lovely thing about a skipalong book is that there does not have to be order, rhyme, or reason to the thoughts it contains. Simple, random thoughts. 

I feel like writing some skipalongs tonight. 

1. My first race of the outdoor track season is only eight days away - a 10k. I'm excited because I love the 10k... but then again, I have only run it twice. It's a monster of a race. It requires loads of mental preparation and concentration. I will likely not be able to feel my legs for the second half of the race. But I love the feeling of running a consistent pace, lap after lap. 

I love feeling like I can hold the same pace for so long. 

This was at my first ever 10k last year.

I'm nervous, too. There is a lot of pressure to perform as well as I did last year, and I have no idea where I'm at compared to then. We have been running a lot of 10 x 600 meter repeats and 16 x 200s, but almost no 400 meter repeats like we did last year. I guess I just have to believe in my coach, believe in my training, and believe in myself. 

2. I'm beyond stoked for tomorrow night. My church is putting on a huge event called Compel. They rented out the Egyptian theater in downtown Boise, flew out a guest speaker from New York, and invited every college age student in the Treasure Valley. I'm driving a few of my friends out to Boise after practice. Could not be more excited!!!

3. The decision about where I'm going to transfer next year has not gotten any easier to make. I'm still overwhelmed and still praying for answers. Letters of intent are beginning to float my way... and they have expiration dates. I know that I am SO BLESSED to be given such wonderful opportunities, and I am grateful that I get to choose. But I need help choosing. A lot of help. 

4. Right now in my sociology class we are studying religion. My two favorite subjects combined. I literally am geeking out about it. I have been telling everyone I know all of the interesting things I am learning, and I just had the best time writing a five page paper on whether or not I believe religion is functional for society. Sometimes, college is fantastic. 

That's all for now, folks. 

Faites de beaux rêves!!!

Hello Twenty-One (Almost).

On Tuesday I turn 21 years old.

I remember when I was 6.

When 21 seemed so far away.

When anyone over 16 might as well have been 40.

(I'm in the red. No idea what I was doing)

But now, here I am. Almost 21. And the world is a much different place than it was when I was 6. It has somehow gotten smaller and bigger at the same time. Every new discovery has led to more questions. The more I have traveled and experienced, the bigger the world seems and the less experienced I feel.

I suppose that is what is beautiful about life. 

God breathed life and He is deep and infinite and mysterious.

I have learned a lot over the years.

I have learned how to have a good attitude while sitting on the bench during a basketball game. 

How to speak French and navigate the Paris Metro - and how to pick out the perfect baguette. 

I have learned that I'm most happy when the people around me are happy.

And that simple things, like coffee on a cold winter morning, are the greatest pleasures in life.

I have learned that God is the only constant in life. 

Every one of my experiences have led me to that conclusion. 

I have learned that I don't know everything about myself - But God does. 

I have learned that too much of anything is a bad thing.

I have learned to stress less and be more spontaneous.

I have learned that two hour runs are actually quite fun once you get used to them. 

And that hard work leads to accomplishments.

I have learned that listening to people's stories is the best way to... well, learn.

And I have learned that family is everything - whether that be the family you are born with or the family  you acquire.

I know I have so much more to learn. 

But the most important lesson I have learned is to trust in God.

 So here's to 21. To all of the experiences I have had and to all the experiences I will have in the future. The future is still a mystery to me... my dreams are big but vague and surrounded by a haze that hasn't quite cleared yet.... But I'm so excited about life. So excited to see what's in store. 

Friday Night

Anyone else love lazy Friday nights? I feel majorly relaxed right now. After a long and busy week, this is just what the doctor ordered. 

After about three hours of homework at Starbucks, I made my way back home for the weekend. The homework session was a complete success. I always get so much done at Starbucks. Maybe it's the caffeine? Whatever it was, I made it through three papers, an online quiz, and some good old textbook reading. So I'm feeling pretty accomplished. 

I've pretty much lazed around for the past couple of hours, and I finally got to finish a movie I started a few days ago about Martin Luther. Wow. That's all I can say. 

Martin Luther is seriously one of the most inspiring people I have ever studied. If you haven't heard of him or read about him or watched the movie, go do it now. Whatever you believe, he was one solid guy. He stood up for his beliefs and impacted the world because of it. 

Tomorrow morning I'm going to get up and run for an hour and a half. But I'm going to be a wimp and do it on the treadmill. I know it's not good for my legs. I know it might be boring. But I cannot muster up the desire to run for ninety minutes in 10 degree weather. I have always been a huge treadmill fan, but especially lately. Luckily, our coach let us run inside twice this week! 

We were grateful. 

The other days we did speed-work outside, but they were good workouts (once our fingers turned numb we didn't really notice the cold). ;) 

This girl is nuts. I would be wearing at least five more layers. 

As I've mentioned before on this blog, decision making is not my strong suit. And this whole figure out what I'm going to do with my life thing is really starting to get to me. I have too many choices, and I have no idea what I want. And believe me, I know how blessed I am to have a choice. But I don't even know what I want for breakfast in the morning, let alone what I want the next step of my life to be. Luckily, I don't have to figure it all out on my own. I just have to remember that and relax. 

So relax I will. Dreaming sounds nice right now. 

New Dreams

Today I realized something. 

I'm allowed to have whatever dreams I want to for my life. 

My main dream for a long time has been to be a fast collegiate runner... but my dreams are not limited to that in any way. 

I have always known that, but I guess it just really hit me today. 

You know a really cool dream I have? To live in London. I want to study abroad there. I want to fall in love with a British guy and drink tea every day and live happily ever after. 

But I would settle for just living in London, too ;) 

If I really want to, I can probably make that happen. A lot of the colleges I am looking at have study abroad programs at Oxford. How amazing would that be? I know I have gotten to experience living in Paris already, but London? I would die for that experience. 

So why not? Well, for one, it is outside of the "plan". You know, the whole "transfer to a new college where you can run with an athletic scholarship and compete at a higher level while finishing up your degree" plan. 

But I can have a different dream, if I want to. 

If I wanted to drop everything and go to culinary school right now, I could. Not that I would ever want to go to culinary school, but that's beside the point. 

True, it wouldn't necessarily be wise. But what I'm trying to say is that I have the right to dream whatever I want. And right now, I have a new dream. To go back to London - and to live there.

 I'm going to do my best to make this happen in the next two years. 

(Almost) - Home for the Holidays

It's been a pretty fantastic weekend. 

First, let me say that I am thrilled about Thanksgiving break coming up. 

I have to go to school/practice tomorrow and Tuesday, but after that I'll have a lovely five days off. Then dead week, then finals, then Christmas!!! 

I have been listening to Christmas music nonstop, overdosing on all things pumpkin, and loving the seasonal peppermint ice cream I discovered in our fridge at my parent's house (it's my favorite kind!).

 I have also been busy planning what presents I'm going to get everyone. I'm thinking that about 90% of them will come from World Market. I mean, have you been there? So cool. 

I came home this weekend - even though I'm going to be home all next week- because I had a couple appointments I had to go to. And plus, let's be honest, I love it here. 

Right now, I have coconut flour pumpkin cookies in the oven. 

I'm sipping coffee. 

My mom's watching tv and grading papers, and my dad is busy doing something in his office. 

I think my little sister is taking a nap. 

It's just- so peaceful here!

This weekend was full of fun.

This weekend I got to go to GCD (my college youth group), meet up with a friend I haven't seen in years, skype a dear friend who lives quite far from me, and have a girl's night with another dear friend. I went out Friday night with my mom, and I caught up with my little sister.

It also had a little drama. 

I accidentally (and BARELY) hit a car on Saturday. There was the tiniest little scratch, and I was devastated. I made it clear to the owner how sorry I was, and obviously I was going to provide my insurance info (even though insurance would never cover something that little)- but he wouldn't have any of it. He and his wife yelled at me and made me cry in front of their little daughter, and they would not hear my apology. -That got me thinking about how everyone is not really sunshine and roses like I always think they are. It's shocking to me, every time. 

This weekend DID NOT include:

Any running. Or homework. Or stressing. 

But it had plenty of: 

 Bonding time and discussions about God. This lovely lady treated me to dinner, and we spent the whole time talking about how amazing God is and our futures and the wonderful things about life. We finished off the evening watching movies with another friend. 

Two days until I'm truly home for the holidays. Can't wait!!

It All Comes Down to This..

Running for me... it's been quite a journey.

I want to share it with you guys, 

but I'm just warning you that I have a lot to say, 

and this post might be a little long! 

I began running cross country my freshman year of high school, and being the girl that always challenged boys to races in grade school pretty much guaranteed my love for the sport. 

 My memories of cross country and track during high school are wonderful. I had an incredible coach who I am still close with and the best teammates. 

But I always struggled with self confidence in running. I ran for an incredibly competitive district and had very talented teammates. I was a decent runner, but I never saw any incredible success, despite all of my hard work.

I spent a lot of time feeling bad about myself if I had a less than ideal race.... my identity was caught up way too much in my success or failure. 

My senior year, I began to think about where I would go to college. Many of the girls on my team were going off to universities to run at the collegiate level, and I had the same desire to do so. 

I never had any plans to do anything but go off to college after graduating, but I ended up being given an amazing opportunity to spend a year in Paris, France. Though it was the chance of a lifetime, I found myself struggling to choose between running and what I felt God was leading me to do. I was jealous of my friends who had "made it" in the athletic world, but ultimately, I followed God's leading to Paris. 

My first month or so in Paris, I didn't run at all. I got out of shape, but who can blame me- I was in a completely new country and exposed to a realm of brand new experiences. 

I still had dreams of being a collegiate runner one day, however, and I eventually began to train very intensely. I developed a new love for running- on days that I was stressed out because I couldn't speak French or I missed my family, running became an outlet for me. I ran all around the French countryside, and I did plenty of workouts and strength training. I wanted to run in college, and I began contacting coaches to make it  happen.

Enter Treasure Valley Community College, and my first collegiate race above. God worked everything out for me to run in college, somehow. I was given a spot and a scholarship despite the year I had taken off.  I was so nervous to see how my solo training would pay off, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 5k time decreased by nearly two minutes!

 I think I was mentally reset in France, and I came back in great shape and ready to compete.

I had a great freshman cross country season, and NWAACCS was everything I could have hoped for.

Little did I know, however, that I had already begun overtraining at this point. The rest of the year with running went okay, but I was slowly losing weight and pushing myself way too hard with extra practice, long weight sessions, and not nearly enough nourishment or rest.

I suppose I had a somewhat perfectionist mindset. I was the most dedicated of the dedicated. I wanted it more than anyone. I was going to push harder, drink more water, eat healthier, and lift more than anyone else. But I didn't have enough balance.

I ended track season successfully (with another All American title), but almost ready to break. I was two steps away from an injury and SO tired. But after a few weeks off, I jumped right back in to training for cross country. 

And then, this summer.... Well, this summer was a rough one for me. I haven't really shared much about it with anyone, but basically- I almost didn't run cross country. 

I went in for a physical, and my doctor was furious with me for how much weight I had lost. And I was surprised... I had no idea that I had lost that much either. I had paid little attention to my weight (except people had been telling me how skinny I looked). I just thought I was in shape, and I couldn't see how it is possible to have "too much of a good thing". It all happened in the midst of me pushing myself so hard every day. I was shocked at what the scale said.

But I was furious, too. I didn't want anyone to take running away from me. I had worked so hard.  had put in two hour runs and ran during vacation and had big dreams.

And I was scared. I was stubborn at first, but I finally recognized that I needed to take a step back and re-examine things.

So I gave it to God. I was so thankful he had helped me get that far without getting injured (I really had not been taking care of myself very well), and I was thankful that he had given me talent and allowed me to blossom in college. 

I really felt like I was supposed to run for TVCC this year still, but I had to give up my "striving" mindset and fully lay running down at his feet.

And He gave it right back to me.

Looking back, I cannot believe how much He blessed me. I got in contact with the best sport's nutritionist who has since helped me get way stronger and healthier. My coach fully understood and tailored my workouts to help me gain strength. My family came beside me and helped me and supported me.

I have run every race this season without an issue. I am healthy and don't look like I'm going to get a stress fracture anymore. And though I'm not nearly as fast as I was last year, I'm so thankful for how evident God's hand has been in my life- and my running journey.

SO here is what I have decided. I'm going to run this Saturday with an attitude of gratefulness. I'm going to run because God has blessed me so much. His grace has been so sufficient for me. And I truly believe that He has planted the desire to run and be successful at it in my heart. 

Maybe I'm just here to be a friend to the people on my team. Maybe I won't win Saturday. But I know that when God watches me run, He delights in it. Because I am doing what I was created to do 

- for His glory.

I'm not going to lie. This week has been hard, and I have felt heavy. When you allow your identity to be wrapped up in success or failure, you live in constant fear. I'm fearful of failing on Saturday. 

But I'm giving it to God. I want to run with joy. I want to run as if it were impossible to fail. Because this is just the beginning of my running journey. Because if I go out there and give everything I have... utilize the gifts He has given me and run for His glory with gratefulness... I cannot fail. I will be happy! That's true victory.

“No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.”

Romans 8:37

Busy Thoughts

I know I have been absolutely missing in action lately, and for that I'm sorry. 

But what can I say? I have been busy with school. With running. With thinking. And with a little playing as well :) 

This weekend we had our first off week in a long time, and I got to spend some time cooking with my mom and shopping with my little sister! 

Then this week I have just been doing my best to stay on top of everything, get enough sleep, not freeze to death during practice, and get ready for Regionals this weekend. 

Regionals.... A.K.A. pre-championships. I'm so ready. And so nervous. I cannot stop thinking about running. 

Another thing I can't stop thinking about.... where I'm going to go to school next year. Strike that- what I'm going to do next year. 

It makes sense for me to go to school, yes. But I want to remember that I have many other options. Like  working for a year (blah) or doing an internship, or doing another year long mission, or going to Bible school or something. 

But, reality is, I'm probably going to school. I want to, anyway. And I think I want to run. I don't know how I could not... it would be so strange to stop. 

So I have been talking to coaches. And checking out programs. And thinking about finances. And checking the weather in all sorts of cities in the United States. 

I have been thinking about how far I want to be from home. And about what degree I want to go after. And I have been praying a lot. 

And I know I don't have to figure all this out, but my mind just will not shut up. 

Ultimately I know that it's my decision, but ultimately I also know that God orders my steps. And I know I can go wherever I want, but I want to go where HE wants. Because that has always worked out the best for me in the past. 

So here I am, thinking about racing non-stop and thinking about my future non-stop. 

But it's not a bad thing. I have had loads of fun in the meantime. I just thought you all should know where I'm at right now. 

That's all for tonight! Time to sleep. I realized I really thrive on ten hours. And it is no easy feat to shoot for that much sleep every night, no sir. 

Goodnight! And thanks for "listening".  :) 

When I Grow Up

.... I want to be.....

As a little girl, I was always asked the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

At some points in my life I knew the answer: "A writer!" "A movie star!" "An olympian!"

Most little kids answers go something like that. Firemen, ballerinas, and singers are all common choices. The world is full of possibility, and it the question is nothing more than a fun game of dreaming.

As kids begin to grow up, however,
the answers become a little bit more serious.

"A doctor." "A lawyer." Not that these are bad at all! Except that sometimes they are chosen for financial stability. 

As kids enter the real world, the question became less and less exciting to answer, because a lot of pressure comes with it. No longer can someone answer on a whim. With the answer must come a lot of strategy and planning: whether the job is realistic, what degree to get, how much time and money it will take, etc.

I have always been jealous of those people who know exactly what they want to be and exactly what it takes to get there.

At different times throughout my life, I have wanted to be a writer, an astronaut, and even a senator. But all for very fleeting amounts of time. I have never been sure. Not even close to sure.

And the older I get, especially now that I am in college, being asked what I want to be gets a little frustrating. I have no idea how to answer, and I end up looking like I have no direction, even though I'm working incredibly hard at everything I do.

Then one day, I realized something. People are asking the wrong question.

It shouldn't be "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
It should be "What do you want to do when you grow up?"
Because what profession we have does not define us. What I do is not WHO I am.
What I'm doing right now doesn't define me. It never has, and it never will.
So, even though I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, I know what I want to be.

I want to be a follower of Christ.

source

I want to be an inspirer.
I want to be a world traveler.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a hard worker.
I want to be humble.
I want to be an influencer.
I want to be a good example.
I want to be generous.
I want to be joyful.
I want to be selfless.
I want to be successful.

And I can start working on who I want to be right now,
even though I don't know quite what I want to do yet.

Because if I am happy with who I am, it doesn't matter so much what I do.
My identity and worth won't be in that.

I do have dreams, however. Some possible career choices/dreams for me?:

Magazine Journalist
News Anchor
TV Show Host
Actress
Missionary
Non Profit Work
Politician
Writer/Blogger
Olympic Runner...? :)


Maybe one day I'll be on Good Morning America, or maybe I'll be in Africa helping victims of human trafficking. I'm not sure, but I'm excited about my future. And I'm excited about becoming a better person as I grow with God. Everyday finding my identity and purpose in him.

source

Being.

Not Knowing

Blogging in coffee shops should pretty much be my profession. 

In fact, there is probably nothing I love more. The atmosphere of coffee shops is so cozy... there is something about them that makes you feel like you can be a great author on the brink of some exciting new novel or a philosopher whose only task in life is to sit around and discuss deep concepts and the destiny of mankind. 

At the moment, I am neither of those things, of course. I am just a college student, trying to find out what it is God wants me to do with my life and what my purpose is. As both a want-to-be philosopher and an extremely analytical person, I probably spend more time thinking about these questions than most people. 

The answers, however, are much more accessible and obvious than they may appear. "What does God want me to do with my life?" is not as important a question as "WHO does God want me to BE?". 

And who does God want me to be? His child. 

So what does He want me to do with my life? What is my purpose? 

To Love him. Seek him. 

The new year has me thinking a lot about the prospect of the future....

And I honestly have no idea where I am going to be five years from now. Those five year and ten year plans have always had me stumped. In fact, I don't even know where I'm going to be a year from now! I have always been jealous of the people who have specific, set goals for the future. But the fact is, no matter how much seeking of God I have done, he has only revealed a little bit to me. Where I am now, and WHO I am now. 

I know that I love people. 

I know that my deepest desire is to see people come to know his love. 

I know that I love writing, speaking, and encouraging. 

I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now.

I know that God has a plan for my life.

So for now, I am trusting him, and living moment by moment and day by day. I will continue to grow and learn more about myself and what I want out of life. I will continue to pursue goals like running and education. But when the daunting question, "What am I going to do with my life?" comes up, I know that I don't have to have all the answers right now. 

If there is one thing that I have learned this passed year, its that life unfolds piece by piece. Sometimes doors open, sometimes doors close. While planning and dreaming are important and vital for success, flexibility and willingness to be led are also vital. 

I'm so excited about the prospect of a new year, a fresh start... 

It's crazy to see how far I have come since last year. How much God has brought me through. How much has changed. This time last year, I was living 5,000 miles away, and I had no idea where I would be living, where I would be going to school, or whether or not I would get the chance to be on a cross country team.

I wonder where I will be this time next year? Its kind of exciting, not knowing. 

This is my favorite music to listen to lately. It's been on repeat almost this whole time.