It seems we are always counting down to something.
It may be something exciting, like Christmas. Who doesn't love ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas each year? And what about those paper chains that count down to that magical day? So fun.
Sometimes we count down the days until our next paycheck. Or the minutes of the clock until we get off of work. Some people have the days counted out until summer vacation. Or the release of the next big movie.
At about four p.m. today, I was counting down the 400 meter repeats I had to do at track practice.
Those are all seemingly insignificant countdowns. Countdowns that look forward to something.
Today a countdown started for me, however, that is more scary than exciting.
Two weeks from today, I need to have made a very important decision about where I am going to transfer to next year.
I've talked about this on the blog before, but basically: I am a student at a community college, and I'll have my Associate of Arts in the spring. I have two years left until I receive my bachelor's degree and two years left of eligibility in cross country and track. So I have to choose a school to transfer to - a school where I will obtain my degree and likely continue running competitively.
Letters of Intent (contracts for college athletes) have expiration dates in which they need to be signed, so the clock is now officially ticking. I am blessed to have choices, but I am a terrible decision maker. I'm always analyzing every possibility and imagining every potential outcome. I'm sick of having conversations about it. I'm sick of thinking about it.
It should be a relief to finally come to a decision, right?
The problem is... as much as I love running (or I think I do?) I'm honestly not convinced I want to commit to it for another two years. I don't really love what competition does to me, and I have a lot of other things I want to pursue. That being said, I only have a small window of time to compete collegiately, and I feel like I have learned a lot about myself about balance so that I can compete without becoming too extreme like I have in the past.
Ultimately, I just need to pray about it. Lay it down completely. I know that God is going to bless me and go with me wherever I go, but I want His help deciding. And I know that He is not going to let me stumble.
With big decisions, I have learned that it is best to follow peace. So at the end of this two weeks, I am going to make a decision based on inner peace - not what seems logical or practical or exciting. What I have the most peace about. Right now, I feel more stressed than peaceful. But I know that it will all be okay. I know my future is full of promises.
And I am excited to see what's in store.
And the countdown begins....