I got home from Salem about an hour ago, and I’m beat, mentally and physically.
The Willamette Invite was today. I love this course. I ran it so fast last year.
This year, I had high hopes coming into it. I was so excited about this course. This was going to be the weekend that I jumped. That I got top ten. That I PR’d.
I have been killing it in workouts. I have so much more energy in races than I used to. I have so much more to give.
BUT WHY DO I NOT PERFORM I can’t answer that question.
I can’t tell you why I spent almost the entirety of today’s race completely chilling. Why I run my mile repeats in practice faster than I ran my mile splits today. Why I barely even competed. And why I ran 40 seconds slower than I did at this race last year.
I should be faster. Physically, I’m way stronger.
But mentally something’s off.
I can’t figure out what that is. All I know is that I spent a lot of the bus ride back very upset. And I asked my coach (who was being way too nice) why he wasn’t made at me… because I am mad at myself.
But here’s the thing about being an athlete. You have to have short-term memory. I have to forget about today… or at least not let it get me down more than it already has.
I let myself be upset for a while. I cried, mentally replayed the race over and over, and ate a McFlurry and gazillion spoonfuls of peanut butter for dinner.
Now it’s time to get my act together. Because Monday we have another hard practice that will lead to another race that will eventually lead to Conference.
And even though I’m not showing it in my races… I want to win. I deserve to. And I’m no quitter.