Numbers

Numbers from this week:

2,000 + words written

1000 + miles traveled

200 pages read

60 miles run

54 hours of sleep

12 cups of coffee

8 xc practices

3 loads of laundry (dirty running clothes for days)

1 cross country race

After a whirlwind two-day trip to Spokane for a cross-country race and hours spent toiling over Aristotle, I’m officially exhausted.
It has been a great weekend for sure, 

but I'm still processing everything. 

Exactly what happened during that second mile that
made me lose my strong mindset? 

Why did I feel so much less confident than my race the week before? 

How am I supposed to be a leader on my team if I can’t push past the mental barriers that have been plaguing me for my entire college career? 

How did these last four years go so quickly…
and how is it that I’m already a senior? 

And what exactly does Aristotle think about the 
teleological explanations of human existence anyway?

My mind is full.
Which means I should probably just go to bed and rest before morning practice. 

But a quick note about this weekend. 

My grandmother, who is the absolute most incredible human I know, came to watch me race. She has come to this course to watch me for the last four seasons, and each year we have gotten a picture. I cannot express how grateful I am to have such an amazing support in my life. 

Two different jerseys and three years passed. 

On that note, it's time to get ready for another week. 

“On ne voit bien qu’avec le cœur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.”

- Le Petit Prince 

Bonne nuit!!! 

"It is to be hoped that we all have some friend, perhaps more often feminine than masculine, and young than old, whose soul is of this sky-blue tint, whose affinities are rather with flowers and birds and all enchanting innocencies than with dark human passions, who can think no ill of man or God, and in whom religious gladness, being in possession from the outset, needs no deliverance from any antecedent burden." William James - The Varieties of Religious Experience: A Study in Human Nature

This series of lectures regarding psychology of religion are not only blowing my mind, but the language is remarkably beautiful. If you are in the mood 

for some thought-provoking psychological literature, this is a great find. 

I love college so much. 

And Cross Country Begins!

I'm feeling all kinds of sentimental tonight. Today was my last, first cross country race ever. The first race of my senior year of college. And even though I have an entire year's worth of running ahead of me, I am increasingly aware that I need to cling tightly to every moment. 

It is wild to think that, when I started this blog, my collegiate running career was nothing more than a dream in the distance. I was living in the 6e in Paris and running through the French countryside every morning in the hopes of becoming fast enough to get a scholarship on my return to the United States. As I write this, I realize how silly it must seem to many people that I was thinking about cross country while I was living in a city that most people only ever dream about, but I suppose it shows 

just how passionate I am about this sport. 

I love my team. 

I love bonding over ice baths and long runs and very challenging workouts. 

I love racing. Though I admittedly do much better in workouts than in races, 

I am working on getting the mentality down and becoming more competitive. 

I love that I have the opportunity every day to work 

on bettering myself and growing personally. 

I have learned so much about identity and my weaknesses and strengths.

 And I love that I get to be a leader and encourager on my team. 

Basically, I feel so incredibly blessed. 

I am so grateful for this season of my life. 

So my first race today. The first of many. I am pleased with it, but I still have much improvement to do and big goals to work toward. I am stronger than ever this year due to a summer of heavy lifting, quality seventy mile weeks, 

lots of healthy calories and a lot of stretching and plymo. 

Far from being the end, this is just the beginning. I'm ready.