Running Forward

I can hardly believe that October is nearly over. The large trees on my campus have taken on brilliant hues of burgundy and orange and gold. Each morning greets me with a slight frost, and the scent of winter lingers in the air. Seasonal coffee beverages are trendy as ever, and pumpkins are everywhere. 

It sounds lovely, right?

But somehow I am still lost in summer. I am clinging to the rays of warm sunshine and the lazy afternoons. Without me quite realizing it, 

time has gotten away from me.

I am already at midterms. 

And I am already nearly done with my junior season of cross-country.

While I feel satisfied with my work so far academically, 

it is the near end of my cross-country season that worries me.

The thing is, I do not feel like I have accomplished much of anything yet. I have had some great practices. I have run up to sixteen miles in a day. I have developed speed on the track. I have gotten stronger in the weight room. I have even had some decent races. And yet, I have yet to accomplish a single race goal I have set this season. 

And I don’t feel like I have had much opportunity to do it.

Perhaps that is why I treasure cross-country season so much.

 Compared to track, it is incredibly short.

This upcoming weekend is our conference meet. 

It is the first 6k I will have ever run competitively, 

but I am told that the extra 1000 meters makes little difference. 

I am a 10k runner on the track, so I am not too worried about the distance.

We ran our last 5k this past weekend, and I think it was a good way to finish up the regular season. Almost everyone on my team ran their lifetime best times… and though I didn’t quite do that, 

I came the closest I have come to 

my freshman year PRs that I have in two years.

I have such high expectations for myself and know that I am capable of blowing those times out of the water… but the reality is, I have to take one step at a time. I have to be happy with myself for running a season best time and finally dropping down into my freshman year times.

 So I am going to take the positives and move straight ahead to conference.

For those of you who don’t understand what I’m talking about or know my running journey, it is pretty well documented on this blog. 

I am not interested in the past right now, however. 

I am interested in moving forward.

I am stronger and fit than I have ever been. I have put in miles and miles of summer training. I have iced and stretched and went to bed early when everyone else was out having fun. I have dedicated so much to this sport, but none of that matters if I don’t perform on race day. So what’s holding me back?

This weekend, I plan on breaking out of the weird slump that I have been in the past two years. I feel like I did a pretty good job this last Saturday,

 but I know that there is more I can dig out. 

Regardless, however, I refuse to allow negative emotions to dictate my attitude or my running. I am grateful for what I have been able to accomplish this season. I am grateful for being healthy. I am grateful for the progress I have made. And I am grateful that I even get the opportunity to compete. 

I am so blessed, and I am so excited to see what's in store. 

The College Dilemma

Have you ever seen this diagram before? Here we have represented what most people consider the ultimate college dilemma. Personally, I would substitute "partying" with simply "social life", but you get the picture. 

The thing is, I WISH it were that simple. Two of three... that's not bad. 

But when you are a collegiate athlete, or you work, or you are actively involved in your church, the triangle shape-shifts into a polygon. 

Then we have problems. 

I am growing increasingly aware that I may not have as much time to blog this year as I would hope. As much as I love to write and record 

my thoughts and observations, 

my time has been otherwise occupied. 

My polygon includes many things - Good grades, cross country, social life, church, personal time (under which I include things like blogging), sleep.... 

the list goes on. 

Unfortunately, I can't have everything. And I am unwilling to sacrifice on many of these areas, including sleep. I'm a 9 hours of sleep a night kind of gal who also wants to make the Dean's list, go to Nationals for cross country, 

and have a buzzing social life. 

Oh, and I'm going to make sure I go to church, 

because I need to keep my priorities straight. 

So what does that leave for me to sacrifice? Personal time, unfortunately. Some days (okay, most days) it's going to have to be crossed off the list. Other days, I will choose to cross off sleep or good grades or social life. I'm aware I need balance. And I'm doing my best to find that. 

So in the last few weeks, I haven't had much time to blog. And I miss it. And I have been doing homework all day. So here I find myself - 

sending out a quick update into the internet world for whoever cares. 

Running: 

I have already had two races. Time is flying by. Both were 4ks, and both were smaller meets. I am such a perfectionist... and it's hard not to be self-critical, but I am mostly content with my performances. I know that I have a lot of work to do, but I am grateful to find myself 

surrounded by such a talented team of girls. 

They challenge me and humble me simultaneously, and though I kind of miss being the fastest runner, I think that I will get faster as a result of not being the fastest. If that makes sense. 

 I pr'd in the 4k by almost thirty seconds yesterday, so there you go. 

I have been working hard (three to four hours of practice related things every day) and taking care of myself, so I'm really excited to see what this season has in store. 

School:

My favorite class, not surprisingly, is my Theology class. Because I am attending a faith-based school, I get to explore the world of religion - which anyone who knows me also knows that religion is my favorite topic. I am a Communications major, however, so most of my time is spent studying organization and interpersonal communication theories and studying research. Blah, blah, blah. I cannot wait until next year... when I can fill up all my extra space with fascinating classes like "Sociology of Religion" and "Modern Day Africa". 

Why am majoring in Communications if I don't love it? Good question. I think I like it, in theory. I think it is a solid degree that doesn't close doors. I think I am ultimately passionate about public speaking and writing and people, and Communications caters to that. But I wish I could just major in Philosophy and go on mind trips every day. Not much of a job market for that....

Friends:

I have met so many new people in the last few weeks, I honestly don't even know who I have and haven't met. I love every second of it, though. Because I am at a new school - and a school that is so community oriented - I have been going out of my way to talk to people and make friends. And it has been wonderful. Cutting a little into my studies, for sure. But wonderful nonetheless. People are more important that Experimental Statistics, anyway. 

Let me also say that it is so. much. fun. to go to school with my younger sister. We play off of each other so well, and I love the fact that, when I tell her about my day, she understands exactly what I'm talking about! We plan on taking over the school. 

At the risk of making this the longest and dullest blog post ever, I'm going to stop there. 

Hopefully I'll be back soon!

Au Revoir L'été [Goodbye Summer]

Today I spent two hours in Starbucks sipping a cold brew (it's coffee people!) and getting some quality journaling in. I filled eleven blank pages with every thought that has been circling around my head the past few days, and when I finished I shook out the cramp in my hand and breathed a sigh of relief.

There is something oh so therapeutic about writing. 

And I realized just how much I have missed it.

I'm hesitant for summer to end. I have thoroughly enjoyed the late night trips to the hotsprings, the grass volleyball, and the summer camps

 (church camp for college kids, you ask? Heck. Yes.)

There have been a few ups and downs, no doubt, but I am grateful for all of the memories I have made. 

When school starts, free time will be far and few between.

This summer has flown by, and as I contemplate what this next season of my life is going to look like, I feel the inescapable urge to write down how I'm feeling. So here goes. I'm feeling nervous.

Nervous to run for a new team. Nervous to be a transfer student and not know how anything works at this new place. Nervous to take upper division classes and somehow balance a full day of classes, practice, and homework while still aiming for 8-9 hours of sleep a night (I'm an athlete... we need it!) I can't help imagining myself failing miserably. Not living up to others' expectations of me. Or my expectations of myself...

But then I remember that this is supposed to be exciting. I have been given the amazing opportunity to extend my education at an incredible school. I have been offered a spot on a competitive xc/track team and will undoubtedly grow as a runner in the process. I get to go to school with my sister and best friend. And I get to stay involved at my church which is growing exponentially and now has about 1/3 of the Boise State football players involved.

Honestly, I'm so blessed. And though I often feel inadequate, I have to remember that it is in my weakness that God's strength shines through.

 So I am more than enough.

So here is to a new season. I still have a week or so to catch my breath before the storm, so I'll be relishing the moments undoubtedly. But I am going to look forward with cheerful expectation. God has a lot for me this year, and I can't wait to share everything on this blog. If you are willing to read (and even if I am sending this out into the atmosphere for no one but myself), 

I am happy to write.

Just a spoonful of... Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread?

I know that I tend to use this blog to vent about how much I have to do... but that is only because I really do have a lot to do :) 

But doesn't everyone? Life's busy, you know? 

Tonight my teammates convinced me that homework and everything else I have to do could wait until tomorrow. And you know what? I'm glad they did. 

Life is way too short to work all the time. 

And chocolate chip pumpkin bread is a lot better than homework, if you ask me :)

A girls' night tonight was just the thing I needed. Chick flicks, girl talk, and a sugar high are all you need sometimes to chill you out!!! 

In case you were wondering, our pumpkin bread didn't cook all the way in the middle 

(just around the edges). 

Instead, it was a giant pile of chocolatey pumpkin gooey goodness that reminded me of half baked cookie dough! Mmmm! We ate it by the spoonful. 

 And it was healthy because it had oatmeal in it. And pumpkin. Duhhh. 

I love fall. I love friends. 

The end!

Back to School Again

School starts in 2 days. 

2 days! And I move tomorrow. Into a girls dormitory/sorority/apartment/house that I barely know anything about. 

I have yet to pack. 

I don't have all my books. 

I have barely any back to school clothes. 

Suppose I'm not very prepared... :) 

But who can blame me when the last few weeks have been so busy? 

I did manage to hit up Cost-co, aka Magic Land today with my mom for some bulk groceries to stock up on. I'll still have to pick up a few items, but staples like Almond Butter (I go through buckets) and humus and quinoa and dried fruit are crossed off the list. Too bad I can't just live off of those things. Groceries are expensive!!!

I really should start packing right now. Or at least doing laundry.

Actually, I really should shower right now...

I got up bright and early this morning to drive the hour long drive to practice, and we ran a lovely 12 miles through the rolling hills of Ontario. Needless to say I'm very dirty, but I am too lazy to shower!

I also don't want to pack. I hate packing. I want to go on pinterest, and read my book. And I want to go shopping for back to school clothes. And I want to enjoy my last Saturday night before school starts. 

I don't know how I feel about it starting. Truthfully, I feel like my life will actually get a little less stressful, because I won't be doing a 2 hour commute every day. But I will miss living at home, and seeing my parents and my sister, and not having to buy my own groceries... :)

But I am excited to be near my friends. To get to know my team better. The xc girl's night we had on Thursday night was a total blast. The girls are so funny. We ate our weight in chocolate fondue and candy corn and gossiped around a bonfire. I can tell we are all going to be super close. 

Here's to a new year. Let's see what it brings me!!!

Whirlwind

This week is a whirlwind, but not the kind of whirlwind that destroys everything in its path...

A good kind of whirlwind, depending on one's perspective.

A whirlwind of new adventures, growing responsibilities, possible opportunities, and a lot of running.

For me, this has meant a few sleepless nights, trying to process all of the things I have to do and grasp the new season I have come upon. And I don't mean sleepless nights where I can't fall asleep. I mean those nights where, even when I am asleep, I am dreaming about what goes on during the day and continuing to process information or make to-do lists in my mind.

This passed weekend I was blessed to be able to immerse myself in playtime. Little things like shopping at Cost-Co with my mom and getting ready in the morning with my little sister were so nice.

I got to meet my highschool cross country coach for coffee,

and he gave me so much encouragement and good advice.

I went to a wedding. And those are always the best.

I vegged out and watched tv with my parents.

I watched the most ridiculous redbox movie ever with some friends.

I went out to breakfast after church on Sunday with a bunch of lovely people, and I was paid for!

What a blessing!

I didn't have time to be on my computer.

I just played and relaxed and cut loose.

And then came yesterday. The first day of practice.

That was a whirlwind. One of meeting new people, filling out paperwork, and scoping out what the team will look like this year. I will say that it is MUCH more fun being a veteran on the team. Everyone comes to you to ask you questions. You get to lead stretches.

 I remember what it was like to be new to the team,

and I want to make everyone feel as welcomed and included as possible.

We got gatorade waterbottles. Feeling like a pro.

Then I went to work. I had no change of clothes or way to shower (what was I thinking?) so I sat in the government office all day in my sweat.

Another practice at 6 p.m., though,

would have made showering pointless anyway (I don't like showers). 

The practice was followed by a team dinner, and a lot of bonding and getting to know you took place. Needless to say, I got home late. 

And got up this morning to drive back for another 8 a.m. practice. 

A whirlwind, this time, of anxiousness....

Today was a tempo time trial. 

And as much as I don't want to compare myself to other girls on my team... as much as I don't want to fall into that trap.... and as much as I just want to run for me, it's hard for any athlete.  

So I prayed this morning on the way. I prayed that I would remember why I run. Not to be the best. It doesn't really matter if I am. Yes, I'm competitive. But the thing is, EVERYTHING I have comes from God. He gave me the talent, and I have worked hard, trying to put any talent I have to good use.

He gave me the DESIRE,

and he takes so much delight in watching me participate in something I like.

If someone else is more talented than I, so what???

I don't run to prove myself to people.

I run for me. Because I like it. And that is praise.

Let all that I am praise Him!!!!

So now I'm at work again, in my sweaty clothes (again!), and I'll work until team bonding bowling tonight.

The student leadership team retreat is this weekend, and I planned it and will be helping lead it as the incoming President. I also found out I have to make an eight minute speech to the administration, faculty, and staff in a couple weeks. So instead of writing this blog, I should be writing that.

Whirlwinds don't necessarily destroy everything in their path. If you stay firmly planted, you won't get lost in the mess of everything. And as busy and stressful and new and exciting everything is right now, I'm going to remain at peace, in the eye of the storm, resting in His love.

Pumpkin Spiced Lattes...

  The title is pretty self explanatory... Only the thing I have been obsessing about for the last month now!

Today, after going to church (It was SO nice to be back at my church and see everyone. Capital is by far my favorite church anywhere!) and having lunch at home, my sisters and I went out for a little coffee date. What did we get?? 

                                        

Pumpkin Spiced Lattes of course :) I went by Suzette on mine, which is what my older sister calls me a lot. This was the most delicious thing I have had in a long time. The most exciting thing about it though was just sitting with my sisters at Starbucks chatting away and sipping coffee :) 

This is us and our coffee! Me, Naphtali, and Liberty.
I have been excited for this moment for forever!

Then we spent the rest of the day shopping!! I got some new ankle boots, a really cute sweater, and a new shirt. What a great day! Starbucks and shopping. Then my mom and sisters drove me back to school, and here I am! Getting ready to start another crazy week of studying and cross country. 

It was such a needed weekend away though. This is me and my sweet mama on a walk last night. She sent me back to school with SO much food, including candy corn, which I have been snacking on all night :) 

I just love her! 

Okay, now to get some homework done for the week!

Luckily my eight a.m. class was cancelled tomorrow, so I'll get to sleep in a little. 

Goodnight bloggers :)