Monday, March 18, 2013

A "What If" Life

Yesterday I made a monumental decision about my life. 

I signed a letter of intent for cross country and track 
with an amazing, local school. 
I spent the whole day thinking, praying, and talking with my parents. 
And all of a sudden, I was ready to make the decision. 

I think I have been ready to make the decision for awhile now, actually. Even when I wrote this post, I think I knew what I might do. Deep down, I felt peace about this school. Everything seemed to work out right for it, and I really felt like God was nudging me in that direction. I know he would have blessed me whatever I decided, but it's since He knows everything, I figure He's a pretty good source to go to for help in making decisions.

Great? Right? 

But here's the thing. I couldn't sleep last night. I felt so anxious about my decision. I kept on running over the "what if's". What if I chose a different school? How would my life be different? What if I chose to run for a more competitive division? Could I be a better runner? What if I don't even want to run? What if I made the wrong choice?
 What if I would have been happier in a different state? 

I think it's natural to have reservations about big, life changing decisions. I genuinely thought, however, that I would have complete peace after the decision was made. 
And deep down, I do have peace, but I don't feel like I thought I would feel. 

The problem is, I was allowing myself to become consumed with "what if" instead of focusing on the exciting opportunity and adventure in front of me. 

My older sister Naphtali helped me to see this. 
Life is way too short to constantly be wondering "what if". 

Every door we go through automatically closes other doors. And this is scary. 
But every door we go through allows for new doors to open, too. 
And that should be my focus right now. 

The grass is greener where you water it, and I'm going to water my grass with positive expectation for my future and a thankful heart in the present. 

I don't want to live a "what if" life. 

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