It truly amazes me how incredible my parents are. They always know the right thing to say. They are always supportive. They don’t think I’m crazy, even when I vent to them on speaker phone for an hour straight about all of the things rolling around in my head. I’m so blessed.
|This is my daddy and I two summers ago. Love this picture.|
The weekend was rough. My race did not go like I planned- again.
Physically, I’m there.
Mentally, I’m not.
And I have to figure out how to shake this. My coach is so sweet and he really believes in me. He believes I can win NWAACCS. Still. After everything.
And you know what? I believe it too. I’m not ready to give up yet.
I do everything right. I eat right. I get enough sleep. I roll out and ice and lift. I ran miles and miles over the summer. There’s no doubt in my mind that I want it. I just have to show it.
But back to this weekend… Our girl’s team did win the Regional title, which is FANTASTIC considering it was our first year even in the region!
And I’m thrilled about that.
But personally, I did not do that well.
And it’s so hard for me not to let my identity get wrapped up in this sport.
But my identity is not in running. It's in Jesus. Period.
I have been thinking a lot the last couple of days. Too much, really. About running and life and what I am doing at this school and what my purpose is. I started thinking about how I’m not seeing any fruit in my life. I work so hard. I try so hard. I strive…. But nothing seems to come of it.
And then I start thinking about how I’m a failure (bad news, guys). I entertained the idea, momentarily, like I’m a failure at everything. I don’t feel like I’m being a good Christian even.
And that’s just silly. Because even the Bible says there is no condemnation for those in Christ.
So I was really grateful for my parent’s loving words and encouragement tonight. They told me everything was going to be okay. They told me that they are proud.
And they said something really wise.
They said “Really, Susanna, it’s not about you. It’s not about what you do or what fruit you produce or how well you do things. It’s about God. It’s about you loving God and letting Him love you and work through you. And he takes care of the rest”.
That hit the nail on the head.
Anyway, I prayed and got rid of the ungrateful attitude that has been plaguing me the last couple of days. Life is good. I’m so blessed. I have the ability to run. To push myself. I have been blessed with talent and motivation and opportunity. I have a family who loves me. I have the ability to go to school. And God lavishes love on me every day.
SO I’m just going to abide in that love.
And I’m going to keep working hard. Two weeks until NWAACCS. The season is not over.
I apologize for how all over the place this post is. That’s sort of how my thoughts have been lately :)