Au Revoir L'été [Goodbye Summer]

Today I spent two hours in Starbucks sipping a cold brew (it's coffee people!) and getting some quality journaling in. I filled eleven blank pages with every thought that has been circling around my head the past few days, and when I finished I shook out the cramp in my hand and breathed a sigh of relief.

There is something oh so therapeutic about writing. 

And I realized just how much I have missed it.

I'm hesitant for summer to end. I have thoroughly enjoyed the late night trips to the hotsprings, the grass volleyball, and the summer camps

 (church camp for college kids, you ask? Heck. Yes.)

There have been a few ups and downs, no doubt, but I am grateful for all of the memories I have made. 

When school starts, free time will be far and few between.

This summer has flown by, and as I contemplate what this next season of my life is going to look like, I feel the inescapable urge to write down how I'm feeling. So here goes. I'm feeling nervous.

Nervous to run for a new team. Nervous to be a transfer student and not know how anything works at this new place. Nervous to take upper division classes and somehow balance a full day of classes, practice, and homework while still aiming for 8-9 hours of sleep a night (I'm an athlete... we need it!) I can't help imagining myself failing miserably. Not living up to others' expectations of me. Or my expectations of myself...

But then I remember that this is supposed to be exciting. I have been given the amazing opportunity to extend my education at an incredible school. I have been offered a spot on a competitive xc/track team and will undoubtedly grow as a runner in the process. I get to go to school with my sister and best friend. And I get to stay involved at my church which is growing exponentially and now has about 1/3 of the Boise State football players involved.

Honestly, I'm so blessed. And though I often feel inadequate, I have to remember that it is in my weakness that God's strength shines through.

 So I am more than enough.

So here is to a new season. I still have a week or so to catch my breath before the storm, so I'll be relishing the moments undoubtedly. But I am going to look forward with cheerful expectation. God has a lot for me this year, and I can't wait to share everything on this blog. If you are willing to read (and even if I am sending this out into the atmosphere for no one but myself), 

I am happy to write.

It's Graduation Day!

Tonight I graduate from TVCC. 

Though it's just community college and therefore just an Associate's Degree, 

it's still exciting to celebrate life's little accomplishments. I get to make the graduation speech, and I am so blessed and honored to be able to do so, 

I know that graduating with my bachelor's will be a bigger deal, 

but I want to be proud of myself for how much I have grown the last two years. 

For how much I have learned -

 both in the classroom and outside of the classroom. 

It's so insane to reflect on the last two years of my life 

and realize how quickly time has gone.

 I obviously have mixed emotions, but I'm excited for this next stage of my life. 

To move back home. To start fresh at a University. 

To make new friends and learn new things. 

To embark on new adventures.  

Where Have You Been?

Where have I been the last few days? 

Honestly, that's a great question. 

I mean, I have been here. At school. Doing school things. 

Getting ready for finals. That kind of stuff. 

But where has my mind been? 

Well, that's one I can't really answer. 

It's been all over the place. 

I can't seem to turn it off. Thinking is completely exhausting. 

And too much free time 

(which has been my life the last few weeks) means a lot of thinking for me. 

Why have I had so much free time? Well, blame my three week long break from running.... okay, well I ran a couple of days and swam some, 

but it's STILL a break! 

And school is winding down, and I simply just don't have that much to do! Which is nice. But time has kind of drug on these last few weeks. The sun is shining, it's a million degrees outside, and all I want to do is play in the park. Not worry about responsibility. Not stress about finals. 

Not think about my future or my past or make big 

decisions or wonder how I'm going to get a job this summer or feel inadequate. 

None of that. 

I graduate a week from Friday, and I get to make the graduation speech. But after that, TVCC will be a mere memory. How bittersweet is that. I'm excited to move back home. Excited for this summer. And for next year. But it's all a little nerve wracking too! 

I got a summer running schedule from my new coach, and though I'm excited, it will be hard to move on from my current coach and my current team. 

The only picture we got our coach to take with us!

We had an end of the year dinner for Student Government the other night, and that was a completely wonderful mesh of sad and happy. I love all of those people. And it's crazy how fast the year has gone. It seems like just a month ago that I was trying to decided whether to run for president, 

and now the year is over! 

My Student Gov Team Rafting this summer!

Anyway, I am not exaggerating when I say how much has been going through my mind lately. And for some reason, that has made me less active on this blog. I promise I'll get my act together when summer comes. I have lots of things I want to say. Only a few more days. I seriously can't wait. 

Lately

I don't know if I'm just overdosing on Vitamin D or what (all this sunshine!!!), but I could not have been happier lately. Summer is slowly showing its face, and a mixture of nostalgia and excitement is coming with it. 

This school year is winding down. As I am getting ready to transfer and move on from this college, I cannot help but reflect on the last two years that I have spent here and all of the things that I have learned. I'm so grateful. It hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't trade these last two years. 

Lately I have realized how much I'm going to miss my track friends. 

They have all become so dear to me - 

there is nothing like grueling workouts to bring people together! 

Lately I have realized how much God's hand 

has been on my relationships here.

Yesterday I had a Bible study over coffee with a dear friend. I left feeling so blessed - so blessed that God has set up that relationship for both of our benefit. I didn't always have friends I could relate to in that way here (though I have had wonderful friends with different beliefs and ideas),

 and I'm so grateful that I do now. 

Lately I have had spring fever.... 

I've been feeling rather lazy. I don't want to do homework - or anything productive really. I just want to go to track practice. And enjoy the weather. Case in point: I went through a box of cereal in two days. Purely because I didn't want to cook anything. 

Lately I have been questioning my plans for next year... 

but you always question big decisions. 

Lately I have been anxious/nervous/excited for track championships!!!!

NWAACCS is less than a week away.

I have a busy schedule - I'll be racing the 10k, the 1500m, 

and the 5k in a period of two days. 

I'm really hoping for a gold medal, but I'm going to enjoy the races. 

Love to race. Love to win. Love to run :) 

Hello Twenty-One (Almost).

On Tuesday I turn 21 years old.

I remember when I was 6.

When 21 seemed so far away.

When anyone over 16 might as well have been 40.

(I'm in the red. No idea what I was doing)

But now, here I am. Almost 21. And the world is a much different place than it was when I was 6. It has somehow gotten smaller and bigger at the same time. Every new discovery has led to more questions. The more I have traveled and experienced, the bigger the world seems and the less experienced I feel.

I suppose that is what is beautiful about life. 

God breathed life and He is deep and infinite and mysterious.

I have learned a lot over the years.

I have learned how to have a good attitude while sitting on the bench during a basketball game. 

How to speak French and navigate the Paris Metro - and how to pick out the perfect baguette. 

I have learned that I'm most happy when the people around me are happy.

And that simple things, like coffee on a cold winter morning, are the greatest pleasures in life.

I have learned that God is the only constant in life. 

Every one of my experiences have led me to that conclusion. 

I have learned that I don't know everything about myself - But God does. 

I have learned that too much of anything is a bad thing.

I have learned to stress less and be more spontaneous.

I have learned that two hour runs are actually quite fun once you get used to them. 

And that hard work leads to accomplishments.

I have learned that listening to people's stories is the best way to... well, learn.

And I have learned that family is everything - whether that be the family you are born with or the family  you acquire.

I know I have so much more to learn. 

But the most important lesson I have learned is to trust in God.

 So here's to 21. To all of the experiences I have had and to all the experiences I will have in the future. The future is still a mystery to me... my dreams are big but vague and surrounded by a haze that hasn't quite cleared yet.... But I'm so excited about life. So excited to see what's in store. 

Busy Thoughts

I know I have been absolutely missing in action lately, and for that I'm sorry. 

But what can I say? I have been busy with school. With running. With thinking. And with a little playing as well :) 

This weekend we had our first off week in a long time, and I got to spend some time cooking with my mom and shopping with my little sister! 

Then this week I have just been doing my best to stay on top of everything, get enough sleep, not freeze to death during practice, and get ready for Regionals this weekend. 

Regionals.... A.K.A. pre-championships. I'm so ready. And so nervous. I cannot stop thinking about running. 

Another thing I can't stop thinking about.... where I'm going to go to school next year. Strike that- what I'm going to do next year. 

It makes sense for me to go to school, yes. But I want to remember that I have many other options. Like  working for a year (blah) or doing an internship, or doing another year long mission, or going to Bible school or something. 

But, reality is, I'm probably going to school. I want to, anyway. And I think I want to run. I don't know how I could not... it would be so strange to stop. 

So I have been talking to coaches. And checking out programs. And thinking about finances. And checking the weather in all sorts of cities in the United States. 

I have been thinking about how far I want to be from home. And about what degree I want to go after. And I have been praying a lot. 

And I know I don't have to figure all this out, but my mind just will not shut up. 

Ultimately I know that it's my decision, but ultimately I also know that God orders my steps. And I know I can go wherever I want, but I want to go where HE wants. Because that has always worked out the best for me in the past. 

So here I am, thinking about racing non-stop and thinking about my future non-stop. 

But it's not a bad thing. I have had loads of fun in the meantime. I just thought you all should know where I'm at right now. 

That's all for tonight! Time to sleep. I realized I really thrive on ten hours. And it is no easy feat to shoot for that much sleep every night, no sir. 

Goodnight! And thanks for "listening".  :) 

Whirlwind

This week is a whirlwind, but not the kind of whirlwind that destroys everything in its path...

A good kind of whirlwind, depending on one's perspective.

A whirlwind of new adventures, growing responsibilities, possible opportunities, and a lot of running.

For me, this has meant a few sleepless nights, trying to process all of the things I have to do and grasp the new season I have come upon. And I don't mean sleepless nights where I can't fall asleep. I mean those nights where, even when I am asleep, I am dreaming about what goes on during the day and continuing to process information or make to-do lists in my mind.

This passed weekend I was blessed to be able to immerse myself in playtime. Little things like shopping at Cost-Co with my mom and getting ready in the morning with my little sister were so nice.

I got to meet my highschool cross country coach for coffee,

and he gave me so much encouragement and good advice.

I went to a wedding. And those are always the best.

I vegged out and watched tv with my parents.

I watched the most ridiculous redbox movie ever with some friends.

I went out to breakfast after church on Sunday with a bunch of lovely people, and I was paid for!

What a blessing!

I didn't have time to be on my computer.

I just played and relaxed and cut loose.

And then came yesterday. The first day of practice.

That was a whirlwind. One of meeting new people, filling out paperwork, and scoping out what the team will look like this year. I will say that it is MUCH more fun being a veteran on the team. Everyone comes to you to ask you questions. You get to lead stretches.

 I remember what it was like to be new to the team,

and I want to make everyone feel as welcomed and included as possible.

We got gatorade waterbottles. Feeling like a pro.

Then I went to work. I had no change of clothes or way to shower (what was I thinking?) so I sat in the government office all day in my sweat.

Another practice at 6 p.m., though,

would have made showering pointless anyway (I don't like showers). 

The practice was followed by a team dinner, and a lot of bonding and getting to know you took place. Needless to say, I got home late. 

And got up this morning to drive back for another 8 a.m. practice. 

A whirlwind, this time, of anxiousness....

Today was a tempo time trial. 

And as much as I don't want to compare myself to other girls on my team... as much as I don't want to fall into that trap.... and as much as I just want to run for me, it's hard for any athlete.  

So I prayed this morning on the way. I prayed that I would remember why I run. Not to be the best. It doesn't really matter if I am. Yes, I'm competitive. But the thing is, EVERYTHING I have comes from God. He gave me the talent, and I have worked hard, trying to put any talent I have to good use.

He gave me the DESIRE,

and he takes so much delight in watching me participate in something I like.

If someone else is more talented than I, so what???

I don't run to prove myself to people.

I run for me. Because I like it. And that is praise.

Let all that I am praise Him!!!!

So now I'm at work again, in my sweaty clothes (again!), and I'll work until team bonding bowling tonight.

The student leadership team retreat is this weekend, and I planned it and will be helping lead it as the incoming President. I also found out I have to make an eight minute speech to the administration, faculty, and staff in a couple weeks. So instead of writing this blog, I should be writing that.

Whirlwinds don't necessarily destroy everything in their path. If you stay firmly planted, you won't get lost in the mess of everything. And as busy and stressful and new and exciting everything is right now, I'm going to remain at peace, in the eye of the storm, resting in His love.

Perfect Day

Yesterday was a nearly perfect day. 

Everything I needed to get me ready for the craziness to come these next few weeks!

And because I know you all want to know every detail of my life... I'm going to tell you all about it! :)

I started off the day with a hill repeat workout (still getting ready for xc!) followed by a short, but intense lifting session at the gym. 

You want to hear a secret? I love lifting weights. More than running sometimes! And I love the gym. Everyone their is just, super jazzed about fitness. It's great. 

You want to hear another secret? I used my sister's gym card to get in.... :) 

I'm the only person in my family without a membership, because usually I can just use my school's gym. But as I am home for now, I couldn't. 

I feel bad, but they don't use theirs' that often, so just once, it seems ok. 

Then I made protein pancakes (my favorite days always start with pancakes!), did some journaling, caught up on my new favorite Netflix tv show, Dance Academy (its all the cheesy drama of ABC family with an Australian twist), and got ready. 

Around noon, my little sister, Liberty, and I, went with another friend to go get TCBY frozen yogurt (their hard-serve froyo is my favorite dessert of all times) and brought it back to the house for a day of movie watching and art projects. 

It was the perfect, relaxing day. 

The day continued to get better when my sister and I decided to go on a date at the Cheesecake Factory before church. 

 Hanging out with her is always a good time... :)

I love her so much. It is unreal how much she has grown up the last couple of years. I look up to her in so many ways... she is not my "little" sister anymore!!!

Then church was great, as always, and I am sad that the school year is starting, because I won't be able to go as often on Thursday nights anymore. I have so many great friends there, and I keep meeting new people each week. 

I'm ready for this new season, though. At least... 

I'm trying to be. 

And I was so encouraged by Colossians 1:11-14 today (Message version)

As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

 God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating.

Its amazing how a little time reading the 
Bible can encourage me so much!!!

Weekend Recap

It was another busy but amazing weekend. As my cross country season and school draws nearer, I'm taking advantage of every moment I have to see my friends in Boise. I only go to school an hour away, but I'll be so busy I do not know how often I'll be back!

Friday night I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends, Christi... again. 

She left to go back to school Saturday morning, so a few of us went to her house for pizza and swimming. Swimming didn't actually happen, but it was really fun. We all talked and helped her pack.

I already miss her!!

We haven't lived in the same city the last two years, but we are still close as ever. 

I left at around 11:30 and headed to my church for midnight prayer. It's a thing the college kids do in August on friday night. Why not pray at midnight? 

Well, because I'm an old person and like my sleep :) But seriously, so worth it!

I got in bed at around 2:30 a.m and had to get up at 8:00 a.m. for a ten miler!!!

When I got back I dug in to this baby. I laughed out loud when I realized... I have almost single handedly eaten this whole thing by myself. 

That on top of the pb and almond butter I had with me at school. I can't get enough of it!

Then I went shopping with my mom. All day. It was so fun, but exhausting!!! I wasn't feeling like doing anything too crazy, but a dollar movie sounded nice. So I texted my lovely friend Ally, and we met up for dinner, a movie, and dessert (frozen yogurt!!!). 

She made me this CD for my long drives back in forth from here to school. How sweet!!! :)

Then church on Sunday. It was so good. I'll have to recap the message on a later blog. 

Stripes and Starbucks!!!!!

I spent the rest of the day completely relaxing, other than this art project I tackled.

Sometimes, you just have to create stuff. 

Practice starts one week from today!!! Ahhh. 

Coming Back to America

Since everyone kept warning me that I was in for culture shock, I figured that my transition to home would be a lot more difficult. And I guess I did get culture shock, to an extent. It was more that it was so easy to switch modes. I was home, and that was it. I fit right back into my old pattern of life. I got a job, hung out with my old friends, and moved right along. When I had been back for just a week, it felt like I had been home for months... France was so far away. Now, having been back for four months, I feel like it was just a dream even. I can barely believe it even happened. 

But it did happen, and it has affected me in ways I probably will never even realize. I was so excited to come home... so excited to stop speaking French. But lately I have found myself missing it. Especially because my school does not offer French (I had to test out of it to get my foreign language credit) I feel like speaking it all the time.... which is a big deal for me! 

The summer flew by, and now I am at school, running cross country, like I always wanted to do. Its amazing to me how faithful God is. I was so hesitant about going to Paris... I felt like I was having to give up running and so many other dreams. But God gave me my dreams back because I trusted him and followed him. Its crazy to think how everything has worked out so perfectly, so intricately. Every detail. 

Its a little more difficult getting used to college life than I expected though, to be honest. After having to be so grown up last year... having to figure out a different language and culture and city by myself and work there... its weird going back to the state of a college freshman. I love it though. I love being constantly surrounded by people (because my job in Paris was somewhat of a lonely one). There is always an opportunity to meet someone new, and always someone to talk to. I am only into my second week of school now, and I'm sure its going to be a good year. And I know I'm supposed to be here, so I'm just trusting God about everything. And I'm excited to see where my life will go from here... but I need to live in the moment. After all, that is what its all about. Embracing life and living in the moment, in the present with God.