There's a song I have been listening to on repeat for weeks now.
It goes like this:
You've brought me to the end of myself,
And this has been the longest road,
Just when my hallelujah was tired,
You gave me a new song
I'm letting go... falling into You.
These beautiful lyrics pretty much sum up my life as of recently.
It is not that life has been bad or distressing or anything like that...
In fact, I am the most content and the happiest that I have been in a long time. I love my school, I love my friends. I feel so incredibly blessed to be where I am, but I also have so many wonderful dreams for the future. I am thoroughly enjoying this season of life (as busy as it may be).
Simply put, I am just having FUN.
But in the midst of all of the fun, I am still faced with trials and growing pains. I am learning so much about myself every day,
and I know that God is working in me.
Sometimes, however, in the light of my many struggles,
I cannot help but feel like a failure.
I almost always feel like a fail at running.
Whenever I fail to put God first in life, I feel like I failed Him.
Whenever I don't have a good attitude,
I feel like I fail to be a good example of joy.
What's more, I have been incredibly philosophical lately. I have been questioning everything, and I have felt a level of uncertainty regarding God and His character. Don't get me wrong... I know that God is loving and powerful. I have a relationship with Him, so it is not as if I feel like I don't know Him at all. It's just that there are so many things that we cannot understand about God, and this has led me to a great deal of frustration. I want to know. I want to know the truth. And I don't always feel like I can represent my faith well to other people if I don't know all the answers for myself.
It has honestly been somewhat of a struggle to keep my head above water.
The other day, however, as I was driving around doing errands, I had such a simple and wonderful revelation of God's simplicity. It came without me expecting it. A wave of love and joy flooded my car, and all of a sudden I felt like I understood everything. Like I knew the secret to the universe.
God is love.
That word can sum up every aspect of His character and every part of His mission for us on earth.
I may not not fully understand Him,
but I do not need to in order to love people.
That is all He wants me to do.
What's more, it really doesn't matter that I cannot fully understand Him... if I could, He wouldn't be God. Sometimes we just need to quit asking questions and LET GO.
Whether you can relate to me or not regarding this issue, I am blown away by the beautiful simplicity of God's love and had to share it here.
For someone who notoriously over-complicates everything, the simple love of God is incredibly refreshing.
I plan on starting to blog a lot more again. I miss it. I miss sharing my thoughts and revelations about God. Whether people read these posts are not, it is therapeutic for me.
It is a running diary, and it is nice to look back on my past and how far I have come.
In my next post I will play catch up with running and school.
For today, however, I am just going to soak in God's love.